Heaven by Mieko Kawakami and the Beauty of Hopeful Nihilism

A year ago, I felt compelled to read the book Heaven by Mieko Kawakami, enough that I was willing to buy a cheap reprint whose ink rubbed off when I used an eraser.

I've become infatuated with Japanese literature. Turns out the simple and mundane reveal deep truths in plain sight. Heaven is about two bullied children who found comfort within each other. The main character was only referred to as "Eyes" and was bullied relentlessly for his lazy eye and he befriends Kojima, a girl in the same class bullied for her appearance and poor hygiene. The premise was simple enough, but book turned out to be more than I bargained for.

I knew the book would some sore spots, but I did not expect it to cut right through me. I wasn't bullied, but I never felt like I truly belonged among my peers growing up. I felt alienated, but what truly got me was when Eyes confronted Momose, one of his bullies.

"Coincidence is all there is. That's how the world works." That's what Momose told Eyes. This scene translated to me as a cry for purpose. Absurdism is a belief that the universe is irrational and meaningless. Humans are rational and are constantly looking for purpose; a purpose that simply isn't there. Eyes desperately tried to find reason in a detached and annoyed Momose who represents the universe's coldness to humanity. That should have been a defeating thought, but when looking at this emptiness of reason, I have found light. Nothing matters and it is the best news I have ever received.

Life to me is an extremely complicated machine with countless moving parts. Sure, you can build it up to ensure what comes your way, but is there really any guarantee? Things don't work out, bad things happen, but that doesn't always mean that people get what they deserve. We have had a dark history. The richest countries and most prosperous cities are founded on war and genocide. People all around the globe suffer for no reason and to say that a divine being or an invisible force dictates that they deserve what they get is not fair, but who said anything about fairness?

The world is not fair. Life is brutal and ruthless and it does not pull any punches. You get what you get for no rhyme or reason, just the moving parts of that complicated machine and whatever lands on your hands is what you get out of life. It's bleak, but to my ears, that sounded like freedom.

If the world was truly devoid of meaning, then anything can be meaningful. If there is no purpose set to stone for all to follow, then why can't it be us, individuals, that dictate that purpose? Is there even a wrong way to live if there is no meaning after all? Bad things can happen, we can accept that, but so do good things. There is still peace and happiness to be found in this world, in each other.

A particularly bad beating from his bullies caused Eyes to fall into depression, but seeing Kojima alone gave him enough to hold onto, and the thought that he may hold the same meaning to Kojima kept him going. Life is a jungle in its brutality, but we don't have to be animals. The world is unfair but we don't have to be. If there is nothing higher to be sought after in this world, then we can be everything. We are powerful and we are free. Eyes comes to this realization during an altercation with his and Kojima's bullies combined when the voices of Momose and Kojima start mixing in his head. Nihilism and hope intertwined.

The title "Heaven" came from a painting Kojima found in a museum which simply depicted two lovers eating cake in a room.

People are heaven, it is the people in our lives that matter, that make life worthwhile. In the belief that his lazy eye was his purpose, he hesitated getting it fixed but in the end, he went through with the surgery and was finally able to see the beauty of the world around him.